I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
