My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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