Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
