I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
