it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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