and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
