The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
