Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
