True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
