oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
