my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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