Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
