I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
