My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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