is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
