ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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