I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
