Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
