Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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