How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
