she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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