sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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