Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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