you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
