He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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