i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
