my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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