I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
