Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
