Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
