i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
