Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
