Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he fucked my hip out of place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
