I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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