just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
