I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
