He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
