Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
