meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
