plz talk dirty to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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