Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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