take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
