No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
