yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
