You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
