If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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