sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
