I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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