Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
