Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
