great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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