My room smells like vodka and shame
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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