Do you still have your period?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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