We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
