In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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