Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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