new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
